Entertaining Student Emails

Very early in my teaching career, I realized that I could start a website called “Stuff my students say”. In it, I would put in the odd tidbits that I hear each day as the students converse with each other. Much to my surprise, that website had already been created.

Since my idea had been already created, instead I decided to collect emails. As a teacher, I get lots of emails every day from parents, students, administrators, and whatever spam that is able to get through the filter. Usually, the emails from students/parents can be categorized as such (in no particular order): I missed school or I am going to miss school, what can you do about this, I didn’t do an assignment can I still do it, what can I do to get my grade up, please help me with this assignment, etc. Almost always, they are asking for something. And almost always, they are riddled with spelling/grammatical mistakes. Here is a selection of the best, names redacted. No other changes have been made.

Email 1:

What can I do to get my grade up quick?

In this particular email-there was no name, so my response back was:

Dear Concerned Student,

Who are you?

Thanks,
Mr. Savage

Email 2:

if i didnt send these in time im sorry, ive been quite sick, ill have my mom send you an email if need be

Again, no name. This email came from a student in my AP Biology class.

Email 3:

Hello Señor Savvy,
Is the lab whole writeup supposed to be typed or only the conclusion. Ive been told both and it worries me.
Thank you,

By far, the most creative opener.